[Chorus]
(Eyes) Bra straps.
(Hair) Sundress.
(Personality) You're blowing my mind.
(Eyes) Bra straps.
(Hair) Sundress.
(Personality)

[Verse 1]
I've got a friend, she's a pretty good friend.
(She might be here, so let's call her Shalicia)
And... (we used to work together, then we lived together, so?)
And... (it was cool, we were close but not awkward.)
And I was dope and so focused until one afternoon!
I saw her looking fine cooking pie in a sundress.
Why in a sundress?? And pie? Why pie?!?
I tried not to hear the call of the trumpets but BLAM!
Man, this wasn't the plan.
I'm high from the love it's like climbing a summit.
I'm happy AND sad.
My eyelids are crusted from crying at sunset.
HA-HA! That's neat.
What's the point of eating or sleep?
What's the point of classes or rapping
when I can make crafts and buy her antiques?
Flowers to lay at her feet.
What happened, man? I'm actually very exacting!
Self-aware but in fact the way that you're acting*,
baby, is very distracting!

[Chorus]
(Eyes) Bra straps
(Hair) Sundress
(Personality) You're blowing my mind.
(Eyes) Bra straps
(Hair) Open toed shoes
(Personality) You're blowing my mi–

[Verse 2]
I don't care about girls. Not really.
I got 99 problems, man.**
I mean, I'm not selling contraband
but I do got quite a few Farmville® crops to plant! (It's hard!)

I've got mouths to feed, and while you're sound asleep,
I'm sort of an insomniac (who takes naps)
And I can't just stop and chat
to every pretty young thing at the laundry mat.

Pretty young things at the bar with their hair and things,
while their sippin' on their vodka crans.
They're probably livin' with their moms and dads.
They probably want me to kiss them and stuff!
I don't got time for it!

There's a brand new Loyd Banks album coming out,
and I gotta stand in line for it!
I just ordered this scrapbooking kit, man!
I gotta sign for it...

[spots girl across the bar]

...WHAT? You're an actress?
And an apprenticing blacksmith?
Who teaches poor kids gymnastics?
What do you wear when you're doing that? Spandex®?

I've noticed your sundress is strapless.
I've noticed your glasses, noticed your lashes,
noticed your accent but haven't
noticed I'm actually very distracted!

[Chorus]
(Eyes) Bra straps
(Hair) Sundress
(Personality) Oh, oh, you're blowing my mind!
(Eyes) Cardigans
(Hair) Red rubber boots
(Personality) Ha! Baby, you're blowing my mind!!
(Eyes) Tiny sweaters
(Hair) Big sweaters
(Personality) Baby, baby, blowing my mind!
(Eyes) Bra straps
(Hair) Bra straps
(Personality) Those bra straps keep blowing my minNnN DDDD¥¨ †®∂ DD

[Verse 3]
Darling!
Every time I step outside,
to go to work or to the mall, to read a book, finish a podcast,
some little number blows my mind.
Man, the bra strap on these mall rats,
these coffee shop girls***, these honeys, these tomcats!
It's Amy Shostak****, in a ball cap,
she's shopping at Soft Mac***** .
She's buying heels and I can feel the Godsmack
coming out her ear buds!
My tear ducts
are gonna get some action,
cuz these girls are too distracting.


* In truth, the way you act is up to you. It should not be dictated by any man, no matter how annihilated he is by your glorious style choices. That is his problem, not your problem. This song is meant to be a joke at my own expense, not an actual request for you to change the way you act. Carry on, wonderfuls.
** A Jay-Z reference, Mom. Jay-Z is a popular rapper, Grandma.
*** in reference to local emcee A.O.K's song, "Coffee Shop Girl"
**** a local celebrity, key player in the Edmonton improv scene, great person, and good sport
*****I thought it was Soft Mac when I recorded this song. It's not. It's Soft Moc®. Soft Moc® doesn't rhyme with bra straps. Nice knowing all of you.